Are you looking for a good laugh? Well, you’ve come to the right place! Here are some hilarious Facebook quotes that will definitely get some likes.
Best Funny Quotes For Facebook
1. ❝My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.❞ -Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls
2. ❝Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.❞-Mark Twain
3. ❝Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.❞
4. ❝Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.❞-Jay Trachman
5. ❝Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.❞-Frank Semyon
6. ❝You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.❞-George Burns
7. ❝I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.❞-Bill Watterson
8. ❝Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.❞-Isaac Asimov
9. ❝Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.❞-Alan Dundes
10. ❝A day without laughter is a day wasted.❞-Charlie Chaplin
11. ❝If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.❞-Dalai Lama
12. ❝I’m not arguing. I’m simply explaining why I’m right.❞
13. ❝The best way to change a woman’s mind is to agree with her.❞
14. ❝Facebook is like a prison, you write on walls and get poked by people you don’t know.❞
15. ❝Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.❞
You May Also Like To Read:
- Funny Attitude Quotes And Sayings
- Happiness Quotes By Famous Authors
- Best Humor Quotes
- Fun Quotes and Sayings
- Funny Romantic Quotes and Sayings
Funny Quotes For Facebook Status
Here are some best funny quotes for Facebook status
1. ❝I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.❞-Groucho Marx
2. ❝If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.❞
3. ❝I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.❞-W.C. Fields
4. ❝People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.❞-Joan Rivers
5. ❝I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.❞-Mae West
6. ❝Your life is your story; you can write out any characters who aren’t enhancing the plot.❞
7. ❝Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.❞-James Thurber
8. ❝Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.❞
9. ❝If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.❞
10. ❝It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.❞
11. ❝I’m not argumentative. I’m just highly proficient at proving people wrong.❞
12. ❝Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.❞
Funny Quotes For Facebook Post
1. ❝It’s amazing how many people have developed shockingly blue eyes since Facebook filters were invented.❞
2. ❝No one looks like their profile picture.❞
3. ❝My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.❞-Dave Barry
4. ❝If you have to go around telling people how awesome you are, there’s a pretty good chance that you’re the only one who actually thinks so.❞
5. ❝Unsubscribe from unnecessary stress❞
6. ❝When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.❞-Erma Bombeck
7. ❝Sixty minutes of thinking of any kind is bound to lead to confusion and unhappiness.❞-James Thurber
8. ❝I’m not a morning person. I’m a night owl who’s forced to wake up early.❞
9. ❝I’m not a control freak. I’m just a perfectionist with a low tolerance for stupidity❞
10. ❝I’m not a clean freak. I’m just someone who doesn’t like living in filth.❞
Funny Quotes For Facebook Pictures
1. ❝I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.❞-Mitch Hedberg
2. ❝If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.❞-W.C. Fields
3. ❝Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I’m not sure about the universe.❞-Albert Einstein
4. ❝Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.❞-Mark Twain
5. ❝I don’t believe in reincarnation, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.❞-Shane Richie
6. ❝If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.❞-Dorothy Parker
7. ❝I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.❞-Ouiser Boudreaux
8. ❝I’m not overweight. I’m just big boned.❞
9. ❝I’m not old. I’m just experienced.❞
10. ❝Quitting Facebook is the new adult version of running away from home. We all know you’re doing it for attention and we all know that you’ll be back!❞
11. ❝Sarcasm helps keep people from understanding you’re saying what you really think of them.❞
Funny Quotes For Facebook Comments
1. ❝If your carriage turns into a pumpkin, call an Uber.❞
2. ❝f you don’t want me to tell you what I really think, you’d best refrain from asking for my opinion.❞
3. ❝A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.❞-Don Marquis
4. ❝All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.❞-Alexander Woollcott
5. ❝I’m not argumentative, I’m just passionate about my opinion.❞
6. ❝I’d rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook.❞
7. ❝The easiest way to double your money is to fold it over.❞
8. ❝People write Congrats on my wall because they do not know the spelling of Congratulations.❞
Funny Facebook Quotes About Life
Here are some funny Facebook quotes about life:
1. ❝Life is too short to waste time on people who don’t matter.❞
2. ❝Don’t take life too seriously, you’ll never get out of it alive!❞
3. ❝Life is too short to waste time on drama and negativity.❞
4. ❝Life is too short to waste time on things that don’t make you happy.❞
5. ❝Life is too short to live in a state of fear and insecurity.❞
7. ❝Life is too short to let other people control your happiness.❞
We hope you enjoyed these funny Facebook quotes!